OMG! OMG! OMG!: One Direction’s ‘Take Me Home’

The OxStu office was a hive of excitement this week as leaks began to emerge from our favourite-boy-band-of-all-time-like-ever’s new album. ONE DIRECTION ARE BACK!!! We’ve had YOLO anthem ‘Live While We’re Young’ on repeat since September. Youtube started to get suspicious at the number of times I’d clicked repeat on the video. They clearly don’t understand the joy of seeing Niall frolicking topless in a paddling pool! But the wait is finally over!

Some old fuddy duddy critics slated their last album as a bit immature, but Take Me Home shows that they’re, like, super grown-up now. Harry Styles may still look about 12, but he’s got tattoos and Liam’s shaved his head so now they look like proper tough guys. Yum! And not only can they spell really big words (“R-o-c-k me again”), the OD boys will also have English students seduced by their literary references. They’ve clearly been so keen that they’ve already read all of Dickens and have moved on to Victorian fairytales. Check out the quoting from Three Little Pigs on ‘Kiss You’: “I just wanna show you off to all of my friends / Making them drool by the chinny chin chin.” dan le sac Vs Scroobius Pip may have taught us that, “Thou shalt not use poetry, art or music to get into girls’ pants,” but we’ll make an exception for such beautiful lyricism!

The chat-up lines get even better though. Ever the gentlemen, One Direction don’t mind if we’re a bit impatient and want to skip the whole dating thing: “If you don’t wanna take it slow / If you just wanna take me home…” Cheeky minxes! Given their confidence that they can “turn your light on / You can get anything that you want” (ooh- er!), I wouldn’t say no!

But if you aren’t feeling your best after gaining the Freshers’ 15, ‘Little Things’ shows that there’s no need to worry. Written by our 2nd favourite ginger (after Rob Weasley, obv!), Ed Sheeran, the monochrome video features them looking all sexy and arty gazing into the camera and flicking their hair and stuff…Can’t. Breathe. Just. Thinking. About. It… Where was I? Oh yeah, One Direction healing the crippling insecurity that all girls are obviously beset by: they’ll love, “Your stomach or your thighs…endlessly.” Just listening to them crooning about how they don’t mind if you have to “squeeze into your jeans,” I already feel more gorgeous! Plus they stay up all night listening to their girlfriends talk in their sleep, keeping the “conversations” like “secrets.” Some might say that that’s, like, mega creepy, but we know they’re just being über-adorable and romantic! Awwwww!

I’ve only listened to a few tracks, and apparently I’m only allowed to give 5 stars, but I can tell already that it’ll deserve 99,999,999 x infinity +1 stars!