As a boardgame columnist/psychology student, there is a dark temptation within me; a dark voice in my head that whispers to me at night –a pleading voice that wants me to give in and obey…
It told me to make a personality quiz. It told me to take my gamers, my dear sweet loyal gaming group, and turn them into caricatured categories for the (hopeful) amusement of the world. The aim of this quiz is to let you answer the question that has been burning into the back of your mind since you read my first column – “Which of Jordan’s boardgame group am I?”
(In all seriousness, this is designed as – hopefully – quite a useful tool; when you find out who you are most like, we will recommend games for you!)
And so, let the games begin! Just record how many A,B,C,D or E answers you get –results are at the bottom!
Question 1: You’re playing a game about farming. What would you like to farm?
A) Enough resources to build my empire.
B) The corruption of all mankind.
C) *shiftily* I’m farming; just farming. Honest, they’re just crops – you don’t need to go in there.
D) F*ck farming. You can’t grow tanks.
E) SHEEP! SHEEEEP! SHEEEEEEP!
Question 2: For some obscure reason, you have to assassinate someone. It could be that they are blackmailing you, or beating you in a university election; whatever it is, they need to be killed. How do you do it?
A) Obscure reason? I’ve had this planned for years! I’m on murder plan D now…
B) I’ll question them about their choices ,filling their mind with doubt, confusing and confounding them until I can take them by the hand and lead them to the conclusion that what they should really do is pay a little visit to the snake pit…
C) I shall conspicuously attend the theatre (in the company of several respectable people) when my adversary mysteriously drops dead… the coroner has yet to rule whether poison was involved.
D) I kick the door in; katana in one hand, machine gun in the other, screaming “I love the smell of corpses in the morning!”
E) Can we play a different game? I don’t like ones where people die!
Question 3: What would be/is your defining attribute as a gamer?
A) My stats sheets. My lovely lovely stats sheets.
B) My winning smile.
C) My feminine wiles
D) My dance of victory
E) My sunny disposition
Question 4: There is a war going on in the centre of the board, what are you doing?
A) The statistical probability of side A winning is 79%, with my help, its 99%.
B) Sitting back and smiling, my job is done. I needed a good war to stop those players beating me, so I made it happen.
C) I’m on the other side of the board, winning.
D) I’m standing in the middle of the battlefield; katana in one hand, machine gun in the other, screaming “I love the smell of corpses in the morning!”
E) I’m over the hill, tending to my sheep.
Question 5: What is/would be your gaming motto?
A) The rules are my bitch.
B) You sure you want to do that? You should probably do this instead…
C) Who me? I’m not a threat, honest!
D) Better to lose like a badass than win like a chump…
E) If there are no plushies, I’m not playing!
Question 6: What’s most important: good rules or epic theme?
A) What… is… theme? What are its rules?
B) A bit of both, as long as there’s lots of talking/alliances/bluffing. Talking/alliances/bluffing is awesome.
C) Theme – a decent amount of theme is nice to hide behind; but with a nice pile of rules to throw at anyone who gets too close…
D) I AM A SPACE MARINE! KNEEL BEFORE ME!
E) What? The rules are more than a page long? NOOOOO!
Question 7: Which superpower would you most like to have?
A) To understand… these… hu-man emotions…
B) The power to create illusions, to mislead the mind…
C) Invisibility and magic stealing gloves
D) I snap my fingers, things go boom.
E) Fairies and stickers and pixie dust and unicorns and happiness and friendliness and and AND AND FLUFFY SHEEEP!
Question 8: How important is winning to you?
A) Wait, there’s another reason you play games?
B) Quite important, but I prefer to get there in interesting ways
C) I won whilst you weren’t looking, and I enjoyed it.
D) Win or lose, just do it like a badass.
E) Can someone just win now? I want to play Catan!!
Congratulations! You’ve finished the quiz! Now, count how many A,B,C,D and E responses you have. Each letter corresponds to one of the gamers below:
If you answered mostly A’s: You are a Filip!
Description: Systems and stratagems. You know the rules, you know all the rules. You know the rules better the developers know the rules, and you use them to win. System building is the best feeling in the world, and you are good at it. You like to know where you need to go, and how to get there; you just hope that this talking doesn’t play too big a role…
Recommended games: Dominion, Small World, Mage Knight (not for beginners), Sid Meier’s: Civilisation (The Board Game)
If you answered mostly B’s: You are a Jordan!
Description: Bluff and double bluff, fast talking and mind gaming. These are your watchwords, they will steer you well through the mass social madness that occurs around the gaming table, leading your opponents into traps and wild goose chases whilst you profit from your misdirection. You love talking and will usually be the second loudest person at the table (just underneath the ‘James’)
Recommended games: The Resistance, Cosmic Encounter, Android: Netrunner, Citadels
If you answered mostly C’s: You are a Zoë!
Description: Secrets and Subterfuge. You are the smoke and mirrors, the assassin in the shadows and the seemingly-innocent evil mastermind all rolled into one. You have a plan, and no-body will know it- until you win. Which you’re going to do. Probably. As long as you’re not in the spotlight, you are unstoppable.
Recommended games: Cosmic Encounter, Chaos in the Old World, Risk: Legacy, Baron Munchausen.
If you answered mostly D’s: You are a James!
Description: Risk and Reward; win big or lose big, it doesn’t matter which! You’re loud, boisterous and out to have a good time – you’ll either make the party, or destroy it. You love theme, and committing to it, be it battles on land, sea or SPACE. If the game won’t let you be awesome, don’t bother playing. Last stands and desperate gambles are the call of the day; if you win, you win BIG.
Recommended games: Fiasco, Cosmic Encounter, Galaxy Trucker, Twilight Imperium (Not for beginners).
If you answered mostly E’s: You are a Charlie!
Description: Gaming is primarily a social, fun activity; and you love it. You prefer not to have to deal with long rules and boring tactics sessions, but instead to be involved in trading and talking and just enjoying the experience; and if there are plushies to hug, all the better.
Recommended games: The Settlers of Catan, Dixit, Small World, Catan Histories: Settlers of America, Munchkin
I hope you all enjoyed this quiz, have some free food for thought:
There are many different types of gamers out there, whether you are like Filip, Jordan, Zoë, James or Charlie; you should remember, that it takes a variety of gamers to make a gaming group. The best experience is had by all when people from different backgrounds, with different thoughts, preferences, hopes and dreams sit down around the same table and create stories together. The games recommended here are all amazing, and you should take the typology as a guide, for if you just get out there and do some research, there is a world of games that you can explore and enjoy for the rest of your days; although if you play too much Citadels, that may occur sooner than you’d think…
A big thanks to Zoë Mcgee for the awesome sketches J