Serial streaker bags his hattrick

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nakedThe annual football varsity game against Brookes was interrupted for the third year in a row on Saturday by a streaker who ran across the pitch in the final three minutes of the match.

The streak, which was reportedly an attempt to inject some fire into the Brookes team who had been trailing since the second minute, failed as Brookes slumped to 5-2 defeat at the hands of an inspired Blues performance.

Talking about his experience, streaker Jack Cole described his motto in life as “getnaked. runnaked. fly”.

Cole, a self-confessed “serial nudist” said: “There was a moment when I was on the pitch when I felt like I was a gladiator, being naked with the crowd behind me.”

He added: “Oh god its fucking amazing, fucking exhilarating there’s no two ways about it.”

This was the third year that Cole had streaked at the varsity match and he explained that his history added to the pressure of performing in the only way he knows how.

Cole said: “I give the crowd what they want.

“It’s the last five minutes, the crowd has stopped chanting, they all look around at me and it has become a bit of a weight as it were.”

Some of the other spectators were unimpressed by the performance.  Moritz Lindhorst, a Keble second-year, who was present at the match, commented: “Like the rest of the Brookes team the streaker was full of passion but was evidently lacking in the most important areas.

“It seemed that he didn’t possess the same penetrative ability in the final third as the blues team could boast of.”

After high-fiving Brookes ‘keeper Sam Cole, the streaker made for the trees, but a series of unfortunate events put a slight dampener on his glorious performance.

The police arrested Jack Cole at the pitch, subsequently charging him an £80 fine and a notice for disorder.

He did not seem concerned about the punishment, however, as apparently the Brookes football team have offered to pay the fine on his behalf: “The football team did a bit of a whip round and it’s coming out of club funds which is wonderful. I’ve got no mark on my record as it were, its rather marvellous.”

He added: “I am a bit juvenile when it comes to this kind of thing. I just sit there like a 10 year old boy at the back of the classroom and can’t help myself but have a bit of a smirk on my face and think honestly I don’t care.”

Adam Healey, the blues centre forward commented: “I fully expected it to happen at some point given it had happened in the fixture in both the last two years and I was just more focused on the game really!”

While hurdling a wire fence to make his escape, he also suffered some unwanted injuries, reportedly “just to the left of the scrotum”.

He explained: “I crept off into the bushes and I jumped a fence, I had a bit of a scare actually, because it was a big wire fence and I got a pain in an area where I don’t want to feel any pain and I felt bleeding and I was like oh good god what the hell has happened, but luckily the cut was just next to my scrotum.”

The streak topped an impressive display put on by Brookes fans, who were vocal throughout, launching such chants as “Let’s pretend we scored a goal,” and “You pay our benefits.”

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