Wearing the Right Trousers


Photo/ Aardman Animtations
Photo/ Aardman Animtations

Hilary 2k13 has reached 6th week and I am surely not the only one to have noticed the shocking lack of pink or red legwear floating around Oxford.

It seems, rather sadly, that student flirtation with bright and subjectively offensive colours of trouser is suffering a bit of a lull at present.

Could this be because it is cold and the fabric is thin? Or perhaps because we have in the last two years done salmon to death? Or is it in fact because we are just desensitised to the damned sight of “fucking-red-trousers” and don’t even notice them anymore?

This issue has plagued my sleepless nights for a good month now and I decided it was about time to find out what has been going on.

Naturally, I have taken a poll and done some extensive research amongst my immediate friends and family. The results are just in: green is the new red.

This has pleased me endlessly having spent a large part of my degree being fined on crewdates first for wearing red trousers, and then for sporting green ones.

A brief encounter with a fellow fresher on a Somerville crewdate last year left its mark on me: “Red trousers are okay, green are just shit,” she shouted in my ear.

Kind of her to let me know, but I knew then that I would have the last word.

Green has become very pervasive, but it has been quite sly about it, and we at the Oxstu respect this. It’s weaving its way into our wardrobes are who are we to stop it? One fresher, boasting a pair of emerald beauties, was reported to have said:

“There’s something about green that is very soothing. It’s inoffensive and I just like the way it looks on my legs.”

But why green? And why have we not noticed?

Green, according to advice from Lincoln College’s Henry Baker (The Guru, as he’d like to be known), is very versatile:

“Germanic though it may seem, it complements the wave of purple that has swept across Europe over the last two years, so we’re not short of things to match it with.”

Green is also subtle; it can be dressed up or down, or in or out, frontways, backways, sideways, lengthways, whateverways you want. Essentially, green is good and long may it reign.