Jesus walking on (hot) water

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1360545493_1Jesus will be getting into hot water this term, after its JCR voted overwhelmingly for the installation of a hot tub in college accommodation.

Noting that “JCR members (especially finalists) have worked extremely hard this year and deserve a reward”, the vote fell unanimously in favour of putting £400 of the JCR budget towards the cost of the hot tub.

The hot tub will be installed in the Cowley Road third year accommodation, in weeks eight and nine of Trinity term. Unsurprisingly, the current second year students and the freshers and were most supportive of the motion. JCR President Andrew Rogers said: “essentially the 1st and 2nd years voted for the 3rd years to have a hot tub.”

Fraser Myers, who proposed the motion, and is captain of the Jesus female tanning team, was delighted with the result, claiming that “the JCR hot tub should provide an additional selling point to any Brookes girls I plan to invite home.

In reply to concerns that the arrangement would risk a restaging of the 2010 film Hot Tub Time Machine, Myers replied that he was “skeptical about its ability to alter the space-time continuum.”

Alex Russman, captain of the men’s tanning team, and a staunch supporter of the scheme, said: “As a linchpin of College’s social and extracurricular life, I can confirm the hot tub is vital for the drive to provide a warmer, and damper, environment in which to rendezvous at the 3rd year accommodation.”

Some students did question the lack of exclusivity of the hot tub. First-year Douglas Cameron-Hobbs commented: “Presumably ‘hot’ is solely defining temperature.  If not we need full college-wide disclosure and preferably a rota.”

However, most JCR members wholeheartedly celebrated the result, with Classics student Emilia Carslaw saying she was “looking forward to getting steamed.”

In light of the hygiene concerns that a hot tub frequented by over three hundred students represents, Jesus JCR voted unanimously to elect next year’s OUSU president and ex-JCR president Tom Rutland, as “Hot Tub Officer”, to be responsible for the hot tub’s state of cleanliness.

Commenting on his installment to the office, Tom said: “I’m always willing to get stuck in but I’m not quite sure how much I’m going to enjoy getting my hands dirty in this respect…”

The urge to relax in a hot tub with one’s fellow JCR members at the end of a gruelling essay crisis is relatively new movement to Oxford. However, the practice is commonplace in Cambridge, where popular nightclub ‘The Place’ (which bears comparison to Oxford’s own Park End) boasts a hot tub, fondly referred to by students as “a petri dish of STDs”.


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