The Apprentice Strikes Back

As that Dance of the Knights blared out from my laptop last night, I had to pinch myself. Not only was The Apprentice back, but it was a double bill. The reaction to the show always surprises me year on year. The sceptics are continuously banging on about a tired format with expectable results. I take comfort in the format and I’m comforted by the continuing presence of enough swaggering business delusionals. It means that the eventual decline of capitalism is assured.

This term, we’ve got a potentially special bunch. The fact that I’ve bothered to learn some names of the candidates rather than simply refer to them as ‘eyebrows’ or ‘psycho’ indicates that as far as I’m concerned, this batch could be one to remember. None so far have lived up to Raef or Tre, and we know that the winner will inevitably be one of the boring ones who hide at the back until about week six until they make a well timed play for the top prize. Nevertheless, erudite Jason and scary Alex are probably too entertaining to win, while Luisa is probably going to be kept on for comedy value until at least week five.

tomCandidates to hate? Anyone who follows the excellent Everyday Sexism twitter feed has probably seen that the some members general public seems to have a problem with the idea of women on the show or in business entirely. In cases like this, The Apprentice becomes not so much depressing in and of itself, but it instead just makes me depressed about the morons with access to the internet. My personal least favourite candidate so far is Jordan. For those of you who are deliberately not getting onto name terms with the candidates until we’ve trimmed the far, Jordan is the really short one with the crap hair, almost nonexistent eyebrows and a voice so ridiculously annoying I’m stunned he got through the interview process. Jordan seems to not be competent enough to be a true Apprentice great though. He’s clearly annoying, but he lacks the competency to threaten a victory in the overall contest. I’m not going to pick a winner, but I’m confidently ruling out Jordan, Luisa, Jason and Alex on the basis that they aren’t good enough/too ballsy/too odd to get far enough.

The first two shows, on this week, have been strange ones. The first two always are. As always, rule number one has been to avoid any cock ups and to keep your head as firmly below the parapet as possible this week. In episode one, the team that lost did so due to bad management and lack of strategy. In two weeks, if I see the fired candidate in the street, then they may as well be members of the public for all the effect they’ve had on the process. Week two was more of the same. Incompetent leadership seems to be weeding out the nobodies with no personality and leaving us with only hyper-blokey business dicks or hyper-passive aggressive business women. There is probably a great degree of literature to be written on the poor way women are shown, but then the show hardly does any favours to the men either. Roll on more series to keep me entranced in the coming years.

PHOTO/ Tom, Fiona