Satire and Student Features
St Hugh’s has been beset by rumours of theft this week, after students received an email from the Principal ‘s office condemning the amount of food being illicitly removed from residence kitchens.
In an email from Amanda Moss, assistant to the Principal Dame Elish Angiolini, students were told that this act is, “a serious breach of trust in our community” and would “not be tolerated”.
The theft seems to be concentrated on the MGA building, which is largely occupied by second and third year undergraduates.
The food-theft has provoked outrage among the Hugh’s community, with third year historian Matt Handley saying:
“Stealing food is the height of egregiousness.”
Handley also suggested that the College may need to be put under “martial law” before defiantly adding: “If you want to try taking my milk feel free, but I can’t guarantee its quality.”