St Peter’s bar is set to lose its status as the cheapest bar in Oxford this week after bar managers put up the prices of some drinks.
An email signed by Alex Tyndall, the college’s JCR Bar Manager, and other bar staff claimed that the bar was at risk of losing money if prices were not raised. The email contained several tongue-in-cheek “FAQs” which were not genuine accusations from students, but merely semi-humorous points anticipated by bar staff.
“The profit margins on draught beer are such that if we persist at the old prices we risk losing money. Losing money is bad,” the email said.
The bar said it was not raising the prices of “boy drinks” as opposed to drinks normally targeted at women, with the light-hearted email claiming that such an approach was “blinkered”.
“Shame on you for having such a blinkered approach to alcoholic refreshment that you perpetuate stereotypes of “Girl” and “Boy” drinks,” it said.
“Girls are just as entitled to drink beer as you, just as you’re equally allowed to drink a double Archer’s and cranberry juice with ice, a lime wedge and cocktail umbrella if you please.”
“Secondly, the “Girl drinks” we sell have always – and continue to – run at a comfortable margin of profit that looks good to accountants,” it added.
Entz at Peter’s has a good reputation. The bar is known for a gold and green drink known as a “Cross Keys”, named after the “crossed keys of Heaven” belonging to the biblical St Peter. It costs £5 and gives five shots of alcohol.
However, a bop held in the College last October was marred by violence when two guests had a fight. Police were called and the guests were ejected.
Students are responding with dismay to the news that prices are going up, including second-year Maths student Andy Cairns. “I used to enjoy a casual pint with the boys in college, but with the new prices I’ve been reduced to drinking White Lightning on Uni parks,” he said.
A fellow second-year student who did not wish to be named said that the news made him “distraught”.
“I am distraught at the news that the bar is putting up its prices. It’s not cheap being me, and I have a lot of outgoings.”
For this reason I am now seeking alternative sources of merriment in my sad and lonely life. I would go to Balliol Tuesdays for an infamous Balliol Blue, but there are too many E numbers in Blue WKD and my delicate stomach cannot handle such levels of sugar.”
“Instead it looks like I am going to have to give in to the ubiquitous, never-ending march of the chain supermarket and drink some cheap beer in my room, alone, in front of a computer screen. The college bar is thus single-handedly responsible for ruining my life,” he added.
The email from those responsible for the bar was published on the Twitter feed of Oxford University-themed Tumblr page Essay Crisis.
The bar insisted it was still the “best” in the University.
“We’re still the best bar in Oxford,” it said. “And we still love all of you. So as hard as this is for you, we’d really like to try and stay friends after this is over. You can still come for drinks with us, even if it won’t be quite the same.”
The email took a humorous turn when the authors responded to claims that they were “bastards” for raising prices.
“That’s not a question. Wash your mouth out with soap. YOU bastard. Yeah,” it said.