Don’t get the JCR locked, JCR President warns students

Lincoln students have been threatened with closure of their JCR by college, the Lincoln JCR President has said.

Mark Williams sent the email to the College student body on Friday, 31 October, following complaints that the JCR and Mitre pub have been left in an “awful state” this term.

The JCR President warned students that the College is “seriously considering” locking the JCR if the mess continues, whilst mess in the Mitre will make it harder for the Lincoln JCR to organise events there in future.

He added that: “The scouts work very hard for us and it is not their job to pick up Hassan’s boxes and bits of onion and pumpkin.

“Oxford has enough of a reputation for us being entitled brats without us demanding the staff deal with our detritus.”

Asked to comment, Williams said: “There were complaints about the conditions in various communal areas in Lincoln, including the JCR. An email was sent on Friday bringing the matter to everyone’s attention, asking them to be more thoughtful.”

In the email, he also suggested a number of pointers for Lincoln students, in order to prevent excessive mess. These included not leaving empty vodka bottles and kebab boxes lying around, and not sticking things to the walls.

He also asked students to “Consider if mutilating root vegetables is really worth it.”

Commenting on the matter, one Lincoln fresher said: “We’ve had quite a few warnings about the JCR…I’ve got to say it seems okay to me, apart from the Hassan’s and Domino’s boxes”. He also added: “If I’m honest I think they’re overreacting.”

Another student at Lincoln expressed their joy that the affair had boosted the College’s reputation, saying that: “We’ve endured claims of being ‘boring’, ‘small’, ‘uninteresting’. No longer.”

He added: “Our upstanding JCR Pres has taken action – not just against mess, but against the depressing Nietzschean nihilism of Lincolnian nothingness. We’re on the map. Watch out Green Templeton.”

The Senior and Junior deans at Lincoln could not be reached for comment.