Clubber of the week


There are two kinds of people who celebrate their birthday several times, over an extended period and with a different social group each time; diehard socialites and members of the Royal Family. Our clubber of the week this week is none other than the Atik-loving, Bridge-frequenting, PT-hating Stefanie Paterson. You probably know her. We followed Stef around in her birthday week as she moved from bar to VIP table, from dancefloor to floor, and back to the bar again.

The week began with a dilemma. What does the Oxford socialite do when her birthday falls on a Tuesday? Tuesday is a nothing day – it falls between the stools of MNB and TNB while stopping short of Park End Wednesday. Not to be deterred, our clubber of the week did the only thing one can do in such a situation – invited everyone round for cake and vodka at 4pm. By the time it got to the evening, we scarcely noticed we were at Lola Lo’s (though there was a VIP table waiting for us).

Obviously, the end of her birthday did not mark the end of the festivities. As any self-respecting Oxford clubber knows, the weekly social calendar includes a mandatory mid-week crewdate. However, this was no ordinary crewdate. The socialite’s birthday week is incomplete without a touch of showbiz, so Thursday saw Stef at Chutney’s crewdating Oxford celebrities ‘Out of the Blue’. However, disaster threatened to strike. The booking hadn’t gone through, and the only table available was in the non-crewdating section of the restaurant, in which sat the owner’s baby-faced, 8 year-old son. The rather ashen-faced owner begged, for the sake of his son’s mental wellbeing and personal development, that we keep it PG. But what it is a crewdate without outrageously obscene sconcing? A solution was found. The substitution of the word ‘mango lassi’ for ‘sex’ (with variations that I will leave up to your imagination) kept all parties satisfied, and we left Chutney’s after a raucous crewdate, son’s innocence intact. After skipping the queue with Stef’s priority, we moved seamlessly onto Bridge, the Oxford institution where you see everyone you know, or if you’re Stef, you know everyone you see.

Friday night was the birthday party. This was a private affair, details cannot (for the sake of places at Oxford, future careers / cabinet positions etc etc) be divulged – merely that the theme ‘My Evil Twin’ was strictly adhered to.

To round off, Saturday saw Stef and friends at Keep Hush, the hottest Halloween ticket in Oxford, held at the Bullingdon and sold out with no tickets at the door. At the time of writing, Stef is suffering from CHS (Cumulative Hangover Syndrome), but we wish her well and feel confident that after a few more Netflix sessions she will be back on Oxford’s dancefloors in no time.


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