Image credit: Oxyman and Park Ji-Ho. (https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Cornmarket_Street,_Oxford,_UK_now..._http_is.gd_1dtGz.jpg)

OxStu interviews Oxford: Cornmarket Street

Satire

After months of aggressive stalking, last week the Oxford Student eventually managed to land a one-off interview with Cornmarket Street. In a rare exclusive interview, we found him enjoying the weather having a vegan falafel wrap off in Christchurch Meadow, donning some trendy sunglasses, a sleeveless top, and a classic NY cap. Here’s what went down.

Josh: Hello Cornmarket, nice to meet you. How’s it going?

Cornmarket Street: not bad, having a good one mate, just taking a breather from those bloody tourists oh my days it’s a flipping –

Josh: You’re popular though. One might even say the life of the party.

CS: nah tell you what, if I’m honest i feel used, i’m not really popular i’m more a means to an end, at the end of the day people only like me because i’m near itsu and maccy ds

Josh: That’s not strictly true, can’t really forget Leon and Pret too.

CS: cheers mate

Josh: Always here to help.  Quick question to start; why are you called Cornmarket?

CS: because back in the day I used to be a market where they sell corn nah jokes I just thought cornmarket sounds quite down with the kids so just called myself it my real name’s jimmy

Josh: Makes sense. What’s your favourite song?

CS: stand by me all day every day

Josh: Favourite shop?

CS: boots boots boots

Josh: Favourite club?

CS: cellaaaaaar

Josh: Favourite social problem?

CS: homelessness

Josh: Favourite college?                                                                      

CS: st hilda’s lol I don’t know why I just like the name hilda

Josh: Wow, interesting. Bye.

CS: cool bye