Note: the article that follows is a work of satire, and therefore should not be taken as factual
Disturbing reports have emerged regarding the activities of an unsuccessful candidate for Standing Committee following Friday’s elections.
Oliver Greatwood of New College was widely expected to miss out on a position after polling far behind his rivals. However, when this result became apparent from the vote count, Greatwood broke years of convention by failing to shun all those he had hacked for hours on end in the weeks prior to the election. Instead, Greatwood immediately messaged the ‘friends’ with whom he had shared coffees, thanking them for spending time with him during the campaign, and in one case offering to meet up the next day for a “chat”.
Although Greatwood’s actions have baffled many seasoned hacks, some have speculated that he is playing the long game of getting elected next term.
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