Image Credit: Fittoprint (Public Domain)

Short Satire for the week

Image Credit: Fittoprint (Public Domain)

Note: the articles that follow are works of satire, and therefore should not be taken as factual

Fresher too scared to ask for fob; now living in woods

A Magdalen Fresher has lost his fob and is now living in the college’s deer park, OxStu can exclusively reveal

James Hobbes, who is meant to be starting a degree in History and Politics, managed to lose his fob somewhere in the Bridge smoking-area last week and has since been too daunted to ask the porters for a new one. He has therefore taken up residence in the deer park, and has been regularly observed bolting a Pret sandwich before the wildlife mug him for it. Fellow students have also observed Hobbes steal beer from the college bar, and hide from members of staff.

His long-term plans are unknown, but he may wish to get a new fob quickly before the college culls him as an invasive species. 

Exploration Society searches for St. Hugh’s

Fresh from expeditions to remote areas of the Amazon, the Oxford University Exploration Society has now been awarded a grant by the University to locate St. Hugh’s. Rumoured to be in a far-off steppe landscape in the North, St. Hugh’s is nevertheless reputedly one of Oxford’s constituent colleges.

“We figured that we probably ought to know where all our colleges are, but St. Hugh’s has always been a bit of a mystery,” commented Gerald Smurthbung, Vice-Chancellor of the Exploration Society “but as the Explorers are used to looking for El Dorado and that sort of thing it should be just the job for them.”

The Oxford Student wishes good luck to the expedition and hopes it is not eaten by the natives on arrival, nor freezes to death or resort to cannibalism as stores run low.