RevYou Results: Who (past, present or fictional) would you want to quarantine with and why?

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Last week, we asked Oxford what it wanted to do as soon as it got out of lockdown – and it didn’t disappoint. After six weeks of involuntary celibacy, the country’s ‘best and brightest’ were thirstier than the freshers at a bop post-Cha-Cha Slide. 

This week’s RevYou was your shot at self redemption, as we asked you who you’d want to quarantine with and why, and some of you didn’t miss it entirely. On the whole, however, some questionable choices were made. Fear not, pearl-clutchers: what is OxYou for, if not to shame The Oxford Student’s readership?

My hairdresser because this lid is poor.

This one is actually pretty smart. With everyone else having to wait until July 4th to get a trim (at the earliest), quarantining with your hairdresser is a step ahead of the game. Quite who you’ll be showing off your fresh cut to is anyone’s guess however – oh well, at least there’s the chance your tutor might compliment your fade over Microsoft Teams.

Becky Sharp from ‘Vanity Fair’. Terrible person but probably really good at sex.

Probably really good at sex? I rate this choice, actually, but Becky Sharp was the blueprint. I’d quite happily spend the rest of quarantine with her, and not even for the sex. Union hacks wish they could.

SpongeBob Squarepants because I agree with Luca [It’s actually ‘Luka’]’s article.

Please, have some more respect for yourselves. Spongebob’s whole shtick is being the most annoying sponge in Bikini Bottom. Call me Squidward, but I’d rather spend six weeks alone with a clarinet for company.

Thich Nhat Hanh, as I would definitely feel very calm during lockdown and he seems like such a lovely person!

This is an unprecedented level of wholesome. Are you sure you go to Oxford?

Bruce Lee – because he’d encourage me to actually get hench during quarantine.

A decent shout, but that #SummerBod is probably going to be a bit redundant. He would have been a laugh to compete with on Mario Kart, though. 

My girlfriend.

Really? The novelty of a six-foot socially distanced date will be worth telling the grandkids about. Besides, imagine spending every waking moment with a human being that’s absorbed at least 50% of your notable personality traits. Better stay in the yearning club.

That’s all for the RevYou this week – look out for the next question soon, and keep pushing towards the light at the end of the lockdown tunnel.

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