Agony Aunt: last of the summer whine


Image description: A cartoon figure holding a sign saying ‘Agony Aunt’ stood in a green field with a pink flower.

It’s here! It’s the end! I can’t believe it, but we’ve done it. We’ve actually done it. We smashed it, and I’m proud of us for making it through. Let’s appreciate the good times, and thank the bad for what they taught us. I hope you have a wonderful summer (and pride month!) and wear lots of SPF or sit in the shade. Sunburn and heat exhaustion are no joke.

This week, I decided to do a bunch of shorter answers. Teens these days like short-form content and who am I to deny the masses?

I have seen it all on Netflix, BBC iPlayer, All 4, Disney +. I’m finally released. What should I do now?

Hi there! 

I’m glad you’re released from the dungeon where I can only assume you were being forced to watch catchup TV, Netflix documentaries, and Disney musicals. Now you should go outside.

Get oot the hoose,


Dear Agony Aunt, I want to shave my head but my boyfriend and mum said it would look ugly.

Hello, my little prospective short-haired friend.

So you want to do this! I think it’s actually quite nice to have something you want to do and have the means to do quite easily unlike crazy deadlines or blacklisted holidays, this is an achievable choice.

Hair grows back so if there was any worry on their part, they need to chill out as it’s not bloody body modification (if it was, no judgement that’s cool, just family can freak out about the smallest stuff sometimes, when there’s much bigger you could do). Your mam and bf, they can’t really know how bomb it will look until you do it! And so what if, after everything, it does look “ugly” to them? “Ugly” is subjective. In reality, your job isn’t to look nice, it’s to be comfortable and happy with who you are. 

Well, actually, evolutionarily, your job is to survive. So do what helps you do that. A pro is that a bald head means you will be very aerodynamic and able to quickly run away from predators. Or you will be able to cover yourself in baby oil, and no one will be able to catch you. Well done, you did it. You beat evolution.



I’m at home because of covid and my sister spends hours in the bathroom every single morning so I never have time to get ready


I think I might be the sister this question refers to (thanks, Josie).

Wake up earlier and don’t bother her. She seems really nice.


P.s. I don’t spend hours getting ready, I take really short showers with a timer, I brush my teeth for a regular amount of time… I just need to wee a lot.

I think my pet earthworm Stephanie died. What can I do? bear in mind this worm is my (only) friend

Hello, and I’m sorry for your loss.

Wait, you ‘think’ your earthworm died? Is it moving??? The bonus here is that if you give her a proper burial and it turns out that you got it wrong and she is alive, she will already be in the dirt.

But if Stephanie is definitely dead, you should do a little ceremony. Do the things she would like roll around in the mud, pour one out for her on the flowerbeds.

~Fact time with Bronwyn~

Did you know earthworms can live up to 8 years? That’s so brilliant. They take a year to reach full size. You probably know this already, being a worm aficionado, but the folks at home might not. Did you know this, guys? Some dogs only take 6 months to reach full size!! Nature is wild.

So, yes. Be kind to the memory of your worm. And if you want a new worm, you don’t have to wait, you can fill the hole in your heart whenever you feel. The new worm may not be Stephanie, but I’m sure that Stephanie (if she is actually dead, as you suppose) is out there somewhere, wriggling around, increasing how much air and water that gets into the soil around her.



I haven’t done a “zoom drinks” or pub quiz, and in retrospect I now feel FOMO. I’ve completed the past three terms from home. My second year friends left me behind and I worry if I come back I’ll be like a fresher in third year. Help!

Hello, fellow recluse.

I also didn’t really get into the groove of zooming and living digitally during lockdown, especially the first ones. Studying from home is totally different from socialising from home and during this term, despite its strange “ooh hello yes, you can all come back now” halfway through, there’s a sense that now, everyone should be raring to go. But it can be really hard doing this whole “re-entry anxiety” as they call it. My tip would be just to not think about it but in a mindful way. This might sound hard but honestly you can’t make friends by staying in your own head. As far as I’m aware, only you can hear your own thoughts. In my mindfulness class the other day, we heard a nugget of wisdom: “I don’t think about going on a run, I just put my trainers on and see what happens.”

Of course, you can message people on your course, join societies and clubs, make a discord, etc. But I also think you should just show up for Michaelmas 2021 and see what happens.

Good luck!



Image: Bronwyn Riani 


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