How to Dress According to the Current Stage of Your Crisis…

Style

Image Description: A group of people standing against a wall. 

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These are the stages of grief, according to psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, but let’s face it, it also applies to almost every crisis ever. Whether your crisis is about an essay, love, or something else entirely, here’s how you can broadcast the current stage of your crisis to everyone who sees you.

Denial:

You are definitely NOT struggling to complete the mountain of work that has been set for you, you’re still living your best life and ignoring those pesky essays in favour of clubbing, shopping and Jägerbombs. Besides, you can always do it tomorrow, right?

What to Wear:

You don’t even want to admit there’s a problem at this point, so anything bright and colourful is perfect for distracting others (and yourself) from the fact that you’ve got an essay due tomorrow that you haven’t even done the reading for yet. Consider accessorising with sparkly and chunky jewellery that you can stare at instead of facing up to your problems.

When to Wear it:

  • When you have an essay due tomorrow
  • When you’re ignoring the fact that your housing plan for next year has completely imploded for the 4th time in the past 3 days.
  • When you decide not to reply to any emails, especially not the ones marked ‘urgent’
  • When you realise you’ve ‘gotten back together’ with your ex far too many times since you broke up with them

Anger:

How dare you get set another essay so soon after the last one?! Don’t they know you’re a busy student who’s trying to juggle their social life, wellbeing, love life and more before even starting to think about actual work? It is honestly rude how they keep doing that, I mean really, it’s like they’ve got it in for you or something!

What to Wear:

Anger is red, duh! Anything structured, angular and red will definitely get the message across here, as will a furrowed brow, a leather jacket and some boots so that you can audibly stomp around in frustration. Perhaps include a dark smoky eye look or some red eyeshadow and a vampy red lip for when you’ve really had it!

When to Wear it:

  • When you’ve been given even more work to do
  • When your secret crush has had a terrible haircut/shaving disaster
  • When you get so annoyed that you have a 2007 Britney Spears meltdown moment
  • When you find out the Hall’s cafeteria is serving chicken and rice, again!

Bargaining:

Bargaining is all about making drastic decisions to try and change the course of fate itself. Maybe you can bribe your professor into giving you less work, or perhaps if you completely re-invent yourself your crush on the rowing team will finally notice you!

What to Wear:

A complete make-over might be a good start here – consider dyeing your hair a crazy colour, going on a shopping spree for an entirely new look, or simply just get dressed in the dark for a truly original look! Whatever you go with for this one, just make it interesting and be open to trying something new!

When to Wear it:

  • When you can’t choose between being the most productive person or the most fun and fashionable person in the Bodleian
  • When deciding if you should change your course to escape the horrors you’re currently being subjected to, and the threat of a horrific year abroad
  • When you have the most earth-shatteringly juicy and exclusive gossip, but you just can’t decide if you should tell everyone yet.
  • When deciding if you should leave all of the societies that you’ve accidentally signed up to in freshers week or just let their emails go into your spam box

Depression:

We’ve all been there: the pressure is just too much, and you just can’t seem to get on top of things. The never-ending Netflix spiral whilst two essays are simultaneously due, the fact that you haven’t showered for a worrying amount of time, and the fact that your friends are wondering if you will ever eat something other than takeaway ever again is all adding to the horribly embarrassing state of things. All you want to do is curl up and somehow be magically transported to a Greek Island where you can be fed olives by your college crush.

What to wear: Black is a go-to in this situation, whether you look like you’re going to a Victorian funeral or just pretending to be a goth, it will help. Throw a long coat over those sweatpants, put the hair up in a messy bun and just get that essay done!

When to Wear it:

  • When you’re so tired that wearing any other colour will literally hurt your eyes
  • When you’ve finally had enough of the student lifestyle
  • When you’ve drunk so much that you’re still inebriated at your 1pm lecture and you should probably go to A&E
  • When you completely disappear off the face of the Earth for a day for no reason at all

Acceptance:

At this point, your crisis has gone one of two ways: it has either miraculously sorted itself out, or (the more likely scenario) your essay is late, your crush is now taken, and all of your friendships have been irreparably destroyed by silly drama and/or the process of trying to find accommodation for next year.

What to Wear:

Either way, you are a survivor, so put on something that makes you feel confident! Dig out that outfit that you’ve been too nervous to wear, strut around for a bit and then send a few apologetic emails. Maybe if you attach a picture of yourself into the email explaining why your essay is late, your professor will be so amazed by how good you look that you’ll be let off!

When to Wear it:

  • When you finally come to terms with the mess you’ve made
  • When you manage to get yourself to the library and realise that you do, in fact, enjoy your course (at least a little bit…)
  • When you finally get ‘the ick’ and move on from your apocalyptic, crippling crush
  • When you finish picking up the pieces and decide to move on

 

P.S. – You’ve got this hunny x

 

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