What does your stash say about you?

The definitive guide

Stash is as integral to the Oxford experience as hating Bridge and being behind on work. Often it is the companion for such ordeals. We’ve all gone to Tesco and attempted to be discreet about trying to identify which sports team someone’s puffer is from. Of course, we then judge said puffer’s wearer based on our findings. Here is a definitive list of what people think of you, festooned in stash.

  1. College Puffer

This is by far the most widespread stash, owned by everyone who isn’t desperately trying to avoid looking ‘basic’. If you’re alone in a college puffer, no one cares, no judgements unless it’s really hot outside. The issue comes when three or more students are spotted in *matching* college puffers. You are not a pack of coyotes, nor coolly subverting the social mores about college puffers. It just looks cringe, and a bit threatening. It’s not a uniform, it isn’t school. At least one of you switch it up. Let’s not even speak about their use outside of Oxford…

  1. Non-puffer college stash

Just don’t, it’s a ridiculous concept. Especially the fleeces. It’s unhealthy to love your college that much.

  1. Sports Puffer

It’s a valiant attempt to dodge the college-puffer-herd-of-sheep conundrum, although you do own one anyway. Yet you nonetheless wear your OU(insert sport)C puffer more relentlessly than any other form of stash. We get it, you play sport. The only people who care are those who already have the same puffer, but people will still think you’re a bit of a beg if it’s for something silly like powerlifting or skiing.

  1. Other branded University sportswear

Leave it at training. Don’t try the classic power-move of wearing your OURFC shorts to a college game; you just look like a knob and probably can’t quite back it up on the pitch.

  1. College sportswear

If you’re trying to flex sporting ability, this isn’t the way to do it. I’m sure trials were pretty tough to get into the Balliol/Univ hockey team.

  1. Boat Club stash

You don’t need Oriel College Boat Club trackies for people to know you’re a bit strange and bad at socialising. And no, we don’t care that you were one bump away from blades.

  1. Union stash

Red flag, stay away. Will accost you on Cornmarket when elections come around.

  1. Law Society stash

As above, but not quite as bad.

  1. SU tote bag

Fair play, you did get it for free. But the tote bag as a concept is in essence irritating, as is your preaching about veganism and Corbyn while wearing your beloved flares and Filas.

  1. Any school stash

Bad. Very bad. All judgement is deserved.

 

Image credit: Photos from https://www.kitlocker.com/oxford/sports-clubs/

Image description: Collage of various forms of stash. Clockwise: college puffer, red Oxford university hoodie, navy long coat, white Salsa t-shirt, OUIHC wallet, OU Darts shorts blue, grey college fleece, blue OUAFC training top