SUNDAY ROAST: #TRASHING SWEEPS ELECTION

Rordon’s exhausted from his exams, so if you think these Roasts are trash, you can report them to the University proctors. Enjoy.

AMAZING: RORDON CASTS DECIDING VOTE IN UNION ELECTIONS

Rordon was left stunned this week after it was confirmed that he cast one of the deciding votes in the Union. When Rordon turned up he was met by an utterly empty Union filled only with ROs trying to convince themselves that being locked in a room together had nothing to do with any of their kinks. After being awkwardly told to make sure he wasn’t breaching Rule 33 (Rordon’s convinced he heard the DRO say Rule 34 at first), Rordon went and voted.

He had an awkward moment where he wondered whether he had inadvertently wandered into an SU election, before sticking a few numbers next to the names he recognised. When reading the OxStu article the next morning, he was shocked to find out that he cast the deciding 3rd vote out of the total of 4 that were cast. A Union spokesperson said they were delighted by the record turnout.

DAMN: RORDON’S LOOKING FINE

Rordon found himself in an unfortunate situation earlier this week. It was a beautiful day, the birds were singing, the sun was shining, so he decided to take a leisurely stroll down the cobbled roads of Merton Street. The cobbles of Merton Street, though quaint, are not the easiest of terrains, and tragedy struck. Rordon tripped, bringing with him the bottle of Tesco’s finest Lambrini that he had brought with him to quench his thirst on this gloriously hot day. Shards of pink glass emblazoned with tacky font flew everywhere. Rordon was just recovering from this shock when he found himself tackled to the ground by someone wearing a jacket that had something like ‘doctor’ mispelled on the back, who was yelling something about ‘crashing’ (he was sure ‘smashing’ might have been a more appropriate verb considering the situation, but his ears were muffled by his assailant’s body so it is possible he misheard it altogether). When Rordon finally returned to his home after the seemingly unprovoked attack, he found a letter informing him of a £150 fine for ‘spraying liquids’. It must have been related to when he trashed his friends after their exams down at Port Meadow the other day.

[ONOMATOPOEIA]: WRITE YOUR OWN ROAST

Rordon has exams, so this week we’re letting you write your own Roast.

Rordon did [thing] this week. [Tangentially related humour about another aspect of Oxford life]. [Cherwell haha]