SUNDAY ROASTS: PESTS, PESTS, AND PESTS

Sunday Roast is satirical and should not be taken as defamatory, nor does it reflect any political stance of the Oxford Student.

Oxford’s been infested this week: pests of all kinds have been swarming Oxford. Rordon has been dodging and ducking different infestations all week, and he’s still on the recovery from his nasty bout of freshers flu over the last few weeks. Read all about (n)it…

 

CHAOS: COCKROACHES

And no, we’re not talking about the leadership of the university! With the deepest sympathy for those affected, Rordon can’t help but laugh at the discovery of cockroaches in their accommodation. It brings back fond memories to Rordon of his second year accommodation living out in Cowley, when the pest control man (who turned up five weeks after the first sighting of insects) visibly exclaimed “it’s so big” (not something Rordon normally hears…).

Speaking to affected students one commented to Rordon, “Well at least it’s a source of protein – with prices the way they are at the moment I’ll take any free food I can get” while another simply said, “Yuck”. Rordon can’t wait to write more about this in four to five weeks when inevitably nothing is done about it.

 

OH NO: A HAIRY SITUATION

Rordon’s been facing a bit of a headscratcher recently – no, not his week-overdue essay (although that’s not helping), but he recently made a visit to Wadham College and hasn’t stopped itching ever since! He just can’t stop nitpicking over what happened – but he doesn’t want to let it ruin the lovely tête-à-tête he had with a girl he met there.

Anyway, in separate news Rordon has heard that nits have been going around the university. Rordon extends his deepest sympathy to those affected, but is very grateful he hasn’t got them yet. He’d love to report more, but he’d better go now – this itch is driving him absolutely nits… sorry, nuts.

 

SHOCK: TWO GIRLS, ONE LIBRARY

Oxfesses have been flying around this week about people watching p*rn in the libraries. Rordon wants to make clear in the strictest possible terms that his recent visits to the Wadham and Christ Church libraries were completely unrelated. On a separate note, if anyone knows how to get Eduroam back after being blocked, please get in touch.

 

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