Sunday Roast is satirical and should not be taken as defamatory, nor does it reflect any political stance of the Oxford Student.
Having sold his left kidney for a Union lifetime membership, that will almost certainly never be used beyond Oxford, Rordon is pleased to have got some value for money this week. The evening debates are his favourite, especially ones that are even more ludicrous than the speakers themselves (hard to find, we know). That said, he does enjoy when everything goes “balls up”. Oh, and a certain Tory politician made an appearance, although for those that saw his desperate plea for freedom on the Union Instagram, you will be pleased to hear Rordon has set him free from committee captivity.
Of course, Rordon has always made time for charity, and we aren’t just talking about being friends with Union hacks. Pink week was in full swing, and in classic Rordon fashion, he might have taken it too far. Oh well, at least he can bring you some sweet news stories to cure the 4th week blues.
EARTH, WIND AND FIRE
Another term, another Union ball, and Rordon did not hold back. Yet the theme of “ice and fire” left an acute confusion; for Rordon, it was about as compatible as his RAG blind date. That isn’t to say he didn’t satisfy the concept at play – he certainly stoked the fire in forcing the standing committee into their worst fear, namely returning to social reality. Quick to save himself from being hacked to death (quite literally), he then put on the ice with a rendition of September, which provided a convenient distraction to release a certain Tory politician from his Union hostage. As Rordon summarised in rhyme, “All in all it was a successful ball”.
THIS HOUSE WOULD MAKE THE WATER TURN BLACK
While it is true that Rordon attends Oxford debates for the singular reason of throwing his shoes at the speakers, he still feels obliged to comment on a recent event.
The motion at hand? “This House Would Continue Dumping Raw Sewage into Port Meadow”. And if that isn’t pushing the difficult questions in the virtuous pursuit of free speech, then Rordon doesn’t know what is. The proposition were Ronnie McMahon and Kenny McClure, representatives of the Sewage Ain’t So Bad conservative think tank.
“I see one clear correlation here,” McClure declared, “The Thames contains more sewage than any other British river. Is it a coincidence that all the smartest people in the country choose to live along it?” The duo also argued that swimming in sewage has evident benefits to the immune system, and that we don’t even know the long term effects of the chemicals used to treat sewage. “Intelligent people of Oxford, make your own judgment.”
The opposition didn’t turn up.
PINK WEEK PORK
In support of Oxford Pink Week, Rordon has pledged to “a 100% pink lifestyle”. From wardrobe choices to drinks on a night out, all have been given a completely pink in colour. Nonetheless, some have seen him taking it too far in his stylistically surprising choice of self-enforced sunburn, leaving him “pinker than Pembroke” and “hotter than a Hassans”. So too have his cooking choices proved controversial – flatmates have complained of “medium rare chicken” and “properly pink pork”, although Rordon has insisted he is merely following the example of his culinary hero.