Sunday Roast is satirical and should not be taken as defamatory, nor does it reflect any political stance of the Oxford Student.
Amidst the strikes, resignations, and closures, Rordon wonders if, for the first time ever, he’s actually doing more work than most. Not only has he written a Roast this week, he’s also- well, um, hmm- getting an indie night club ticket took some legwork.
Rordon hopes he doesn’t find out he’s redundant himself, and as always, he’s here with some bad news and some irrelevant news.
DIGGING FOR VICTORY
In a surprising turn of events, following the shock resignation of a certain JCR president, Rordon has found himself assuming the role. However, when questioned, Rordon was as confused as us. “I signed up for JCB president,” he explained, “I was in it for the free digger.” Perhaps Rordon can get them out of their mess, or dig them deeper into political turmoil.
THE LEBANESE-INDIAN JOB
With a Lebanese-Indian crewdate spot facing closure this week, its staff were just days away from retirement. That was when Rordon burst into the place with a proposal. One last job – the biggest crewdate they’d ever have to pull off – and they could come in from the cold.
“Get lost Gamsay, we’re out of the game,” he was told.
“There’s nobody else I can trust to get a job like this done,” Rordon countered. “This crewdate’s got to have live animals, it’ll have fireworks, and I hear the committee’s in talks with Lionel Richie’s agent. It’ll be tricky as hell, and I haven’t even mentioned the blindfolds-“
“What’s in it for us?”
“With this college? You’re looking at a payday of two million pounds. One last job and you’re set up for life.”
“We’re in.”
TESCALATED OUT OF CONTROL
Having signed up for a Cupid Date, Rordon was slightly confused with where to take his lucky lady. So, in the fine tradition of his culinary namesake, he settled for the meal deal aisle of Tesco’s. “You can be the Naked smoothie in my deal,” he explained to his mysterious date, “and I’ll be the deli meat feast of a sandwich.” Fair to say, she was not best impressed, and left swiftly after.
Image Description: A cartoon image of roasted meat on a red and orange background with the words: “Sunday Roast: Featuring the Stories that didn’t quite leave the newsroom”.
