Loomed over by Nobel Prize winners, world leaders and inventors of life-saving medicine, it’s easy for the average maintenance loan-haver at Oxford to feel hopeless about their post-graduation prospects. But with over 900 years of students, there are plenty of alumni who have taken their Oxford education to new lows. Here OxYou is taking a quick look at some of the alternative careers pursued by Oxford alumni to give you a taste of the options out there.
King Charles II Fan (or not)
Fan of the monarchy? Well, you’re well placed in Oxford where many alumni helped restore King Charles II to the throne after his father, Charles I, became the first King of England to be executed by his subjects. Oxford heralds big names in the Charles II Fan Club, including Thomas Carte, and who could forget Sir William Blackett, 2nd Baronet of Newcastle-upon-Tyne? Alternatively, Oxford also produced its own share of anti-Charles-ists, including Henry Marten who not only attended Oxford but was physically born on Merton Street. With the government’s recent commitment to free speech in universities, Oxford students will have even more liberty to express their pro or anti – Charles views.
Media Tycoon
Want to try your hand at phone hacking? Up for publicly claiming that the Queen voted Brexit? Oxford can certainly prepare you for becoming one of the most disliked people globally by creating your own media empire. Completing his MA at Worcester College, Keith Rupert Murdoch was poised to take over the world of journalism, with “Girl eats 4000 washing up sponges” and “Man who made love to pavements” being some of the tamer headlines of Murdoch-owned papers. This saga of Murdoch madness ended last week, with the comments switched firmly off on stories reporting his resignation within his own paper. It looks like a new position is up for succession.
Staging a Jewellery Heist
A descendant of the man who formally discovered the Guppy (yes, really), the Magdalen alumnus Darious Guppy was more than a little bit fishy. Darious would be the one to tarnish the name of the humble fish by staging a £1.8 million jewel heist as part of an insurance fraud scheme revenge plot against a company he claimed to have shafted his father in business dealings. He was also alleged to have conspired with Boris Johnson to beat up journalist Stuart Collier in their Oxford days.
Murdering Grigori Rasputin
Yep, you heard right. Budding Oxford students can take inspiration from Felix Felixovich Yusupov, who studied Forestry at University College (they should bring that back) in 1909. Yusupov was one of the men who conspired to murder Russian politician-cum-disco star Grigori Rasputin, obviously jealous of his musical success.
National Socialist German Workers’ Party Minister of Finance
Another one that Oriel like to let slip off the roster, Johann Ludwig “Lutz” Graf studied Law and Political Science as a Rhodes Scholar before working his way up in the National Socialist German Workers Party (yes, that is exactly what you think it is). Luckily for Oriel he never took any interest in commissioning his own statue above their gate. Hopefully we don’t see anyone else inspired by his career path anytime soon.
Saxophone Sex Scandal
Want to be remembered for having your semen be the subject of a White House enquiry? You may want to take inspiration from President Bill Clinton, who studied PPE on the Rhodes Scholar program where he famously “did not inhale marijuana”. The herb was clearly not needed for Bill to live the high life, with fan favourite moments including comparing his role as US President to running a cemetery, jamming saxophone on live TV, and rocking short shorts in a McDonald’s with Al Gore. This shining example of American leadership was dashed when Bill was indicted for sexual misconduct against a young White House intern, which he defended by claiming in a roundabout way to not know what sex is. Very Oxford of him.
