Surviving the zombie oxocalypse

They come to feast on brains. Which means that any zombie onslaught is almost certainly going to target the boffins and geniuses we have cooped up in our colleges. It has never been more dangerous to go to Oxford. Are we ready? The University practises its fire drills with unflinching regularity, but will offer no […]

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Agony Journo

Care to introduce yourself, new Agony columnist? Journo’s the name and journalism is the game. Let me summarise my life story thus: school newsletter, OxStu, local paper, Guardian. Obviously, I’m only at the OxStu stage at the moment, but it’s just a brief interlude before I can sink my Red Bull-stained teeth into the national […]

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Steaming spires: what Oxford taught us about sex

Bugger all, that’s what.  That’s not to say that you should literally bugger all, of course, there’s just not enough time. Did any of you catch last year’s adaptation of The Vagina Monologues at LMH? The demonstration of the so-called ‘Oxford moan’ (‘I-should-be-working!’) seems to sum up the general attitude to Oxonian slap and tickle. […]

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Agony Hack

Since I arrived at Oxford, I’ve been struggling socially. How should I go about trying to make friends? Let me introduce myself – I’m Agony Hack, this week’s columnist, and, if you want to know more, have a chat with the people on my slate. I’m actually standing for the Library Committee, as you’re interested. […]

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Agony Toff

  Dear Agony Lad, there’s a fit Fresher at Teddy Hall that I really want to get with, but I just can’t pluck up the courage. Care to share any of your master pulling tekkers? I beg your pardon? Dear fellow, I am not Agony Lad. That reckless ruffian has come down with a severe […]

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Agony Hipster

Dear Agony Hipster, I work for the Kashmiri Earthquake Disaster Fund and we could really do with some publicity. Can you help? Oh my, like, God! That was the biggest tragedy since chavs got wind of Alt-J. I can’t believe that something so bad could ever happen. After Kony 2012 and that volcano thing, Africa […]

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Tea, Will Self and Irony: Interview with the award-winning writer

Tea? Earl Grey, please; one sugar – and a li’l bit of skimmed milk, please. PLEASE ENTER PIN, Self thumbs in digits – will he make the 21:01? We should have walked faster, PLEASE REMOV–. Tea is the least I can do, really; is there anywhere actually open at this – Is that, eeerrm, Will, […]

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