Oxford's biggest student newspaper, produced by and for members of the University of Oxford, since 1991.
It’s the end of week one and Oxford is full of snowflakes. The weather also took a turn for the colder overnight, giving students an excuse to take a break from their essays. Sunday saw them build snowmen and post pictures of beautiful Oxford buildings covered in white on their Instagram stories (did you know […]
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This week, Rordon Gamsay, news and Sainsbury’s meal deal correspondent has conducted an investigation, spoke to lonely college staff, and uncovered disturbing signage in the local Oxford area. As we move into 8th week (affectionately known as ‘thank f*ck it’s almost over’) sit back, relax, and enjoy a little light-hearted ‘news’. Oxford Students Doing Drugs […]
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Got any troubles, worries, concerns, or heartaches? Send them to the Dean of Hearts by filling out this anonymous form. “Dear Dean of Hearts, My boyfriend has not shaved his facial hair in over 2 months now, despite promising on multiple occasions he would. I am now unable to hold him to account in person […]
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Congregation, the University’s supreme governing body, zoomed on Wednesday to discuss the raising of tuition fees for Trinity term, with some faculty representatives arguing that the increase should be as high as 30%. Pro Vice Chancellor Wartin Milliams, who attended the meeting, told The Oxford Student, “We have heard concerns amongst students that the value […]
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Reader, you would be forgiven for making the egregious mistake that ‘BNOC’ is a ‘one size fits all’ label. If you’re unlucky enough to be friends with one, you would be well acquainted with an impromptu trip to Hassan’s becoming a small meet and greet. If you’re even luckier, you may not even know what […]
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Sarah Alford challenges the popular perception of the clubbing scene I went to a Freshers’ clubbing night on Wednesday. Not the sort of anecdote I expected to be telling, for I would ascribe the same amount of enjoyment experienced on a night out as to what I feel during collections I haven’t revised for. But […]
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It was another cold afternoon in the fridge. Danish Pastry was chilling alone on his shelf, which was just how he liked it. He enjoyed being the pastry with all the secrets. The stupid humans had left him in there over night. He laughed and lit a cigarette. No flakey crust for them. Things […]
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There is nothing I want more in the world right now than one of the pyjama suits worn in ‘Spooky Mormon Hell Dream’. The red, Grinch-like, pointy-toed costumes look cosy as well as fashionable. This dance number was accompanied by some of the most evil people from throughout history performing sex acts on each other […]
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Image credit: Loz Pycock (Flickr) Note: the article that follows is a work of satire, and therefore should not be taken as factual Members of the Oxford University Revolutionary Marxist Association were shocked to see a working class student in their midst at their inaugural meeting for the new academic year. The group, which is […]
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Image credit: Wikipedia Note: the article that follows is a work of satire, and therefore should not be taken as factual For five centuries, Christ Church has been an imposing bulwark of Oxford’s academic and religious tradition. Now that is all going to change. A buyout of the College and Cathedral by an independent organisation, […]
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Image credit: Pexels Note: the article that follows is a work of satire, and therefore should not be taken as factual A returning second-year at New College has caused drastic problems for the accommodation department by growing out his beard over the vac, The Oxford Student can report. Magnus Pogon (19) has now accumulated a […]
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Image Credit: Fittoprint (Public Domain) Note: the articles that follow are works of satire, and therefore should not be taken as factual Fresher too scared to ask for fob; now living in woods A Magdalen Fresher has lost his fob and is now living in the college’s deer park, OxStu can exclusively reveal James Hobbes, who […]
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Image Credit: The Oxford Student Note: the article that follows is a work of satire, and therefore should not be taken as factual A new scientific survey of the student populace of the University of Oxford has discovered that not a single current undergraduate of the university who is not directly involved with the satire section […]
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Image Credit: Decan Note: the article that follows is a work of satire, and therefore should not be taken as factual Clubs and societies that are known across the University for destroying the social life of their members have been gleefully preparing for the arrival of fresh meat to replenish their ranks. Societies such as […]
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Image Credit: Photo © Jonathan Billinger (cc-by-sa/2.0) Note: the article that follows is a work of satire, and therefore should not be taken as factual Academics have been banned from the university, after a decision unanimously agreed by senior management and student representatives. While academics have traditionally been considered a necessary part of a university, […]
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Image Credit: Sampson Low (CC BY 2.0) Note: the article that follows is a work of satire, and therefore should not be taken as factual After attempting to read the whole of Edmund Spenser’s “The Faerie Queene” over the summer vacation, English undergraduate Heather Barnet is no longer able to speak normally. Barnet was trying […]
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Image Credit: Steve Eason (CC BY 2.0) Note: the article that follows is a work of satire, and therefore should not be taken as factual Having complained about some British minorities’ inability to understand “English irony,” Jeremy Corbyn now intends to give a series of lectures on the different forms of British humour, the Office […]
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Note: the article that follows is a work of satire, and therefore should not be taken as factual Disturbing reports have emerged regarding the activities of an unsuccessful candidate for Standing Committee following Friday’s elections. Oliver Greatwood of New College was widely expected to miss out on a position after polling far behind his […]
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Note: the article that follows is a work of satire, and therefore should not be taken as factual First year Earth Scientist and members of the Oxford Union, Samantha McGregor, Worcester College, voted in the Oxford Union in Friday’s elections based on a careful reading of the manifestos of the various candidates, and, after […]
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